I always thought if I ever got cancer I would just fight it. Of course I would expect it to suck. The surgey, chemo whatever was needed. Now I know it is not that easy. You don't just fight it.
It has become a part of everyones life. Everyone knows someone with cancer or who had cancer or is dead from cancer or has it themselves. It is too much. Why isn't there a cure yet?
My Aunt died this week from cancer. She only found out a few months ago that she had cancer. She was strong in spirit through all of it. After the diagnosis she started chemo because the cancer was in her Brain, and spine. Shortly after she developed blood clots and was put on blood thinner. As a result she could not be given chemo and her conditioned worsened. The doctors said the cancer was terminal at that point. She attended her fathers funeral (my Grandpa) a month ago even when it was possible that her spine could break from putting her in and out of the car. Her spine was being taken over with cancer and she had lost sooo much weight even though she had always been skinny. Cancer is horrible and so is death. My Aunt was too young she was only in her early 50's.
I have been thinking about death a lot lately and I think it is just the difference of being here or there (heaven) of course without your body, but I think while we are sad here, there are people happy to see the one who died there. making it the difference of which of your loved ones you are with. I am not afraid to die but I am afraid of not being here to take care of my kids. My mom left when I was young. I didn't have a mom to take care of me and love me and that was her choice, but if I were not able to be here for my children to take care of them and love them because of death I would be angry because my mom could have taken care of me and chose not to I would be mad if I was not able to take care of my children when I wanted to. I hope I never get cancer but geneticly I am afraid that it might be in my future.
It has been a hard month in my family with the death of my Grandpa, the death of my Aunt and my Grandma also has cancer right now. I can't seam to think about anything else. Sorry if I am depressing anyone.