Saturday, May 22, 2010

I Hate Cancer!!! I am depressed

I always thought if I ever got cancer I would just fight it. Of course I would expect it to suck. The surgey, chemo whatever was needed. Now I know it is not that easy. You don't just fight it.
It has become a part of everyones life. Everyone knows someone with cancer or who had cancer or is dead from cancer or has it themselves. It is too much. Why isn't there a cure yet?
My Aunt died this week from cancer. She only found out a few months ago that she had cancer. She was strong in spirit through all of it. After the diagnosis she started chemo because the cancer was in her Brain, and spine. Shortly after she developed blood clots and was put on blood thinner. As a result she could not be given chemo and her conditioned worsened. The doctors said the cancer was terminal at that point.  She attended her fathers funeral (my Grandpa) a month ago even when it was possible that her spine could break from putting her in and out of the car. Her spine was being taken over with cancer and she had lost sooo much weight even though she had always been skinny. Cancer is horrible and so is death. My Aunt was too young she was only in her early 50's.
I have been thinking about death a lot lately and I think it is just the difference of being here or there (heaven) of course without your body, but I think while we are sad here, there are people happy to see the one who died there. making it the difference of which of your loved ones you are with. I am not afraid to die but I am afraid of not being here to take care of my kids. My mom left when I was young. I didn't have a mom to take care of me and love me and  that was her choice, but if I were not able to be here for my children to take care of them and love them because of death I would be angry because my mom could have taken care of me and chose not to I would be mad if I was not able to take care of my children when I wanted to. I hope I never get cancer but geneticly I am afraid that it might be in my future.
It has been a hard month in my family with the death of my Grandpa, the death of my Aunt and my Grandma also has cancer right now.  I can't seam to think about anything else. Sorry if I am depressing anyone.

20 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loses....

    You and your family are in my prayers...

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  2. I'm so sorry for your loss!! I have to agree with you about cancer...it SUCKS completely! My mom was diagnosed with a rare (Stage 4) cancer back in December and was expected not to live much longer. But, she did pull through, thank God, after much prayer and chemo. She also is now battling the blood clots which are common after chemo.

    I hope and pray that neither of us is "prone" to get that dreaded disease, as I would also feel awful not being here for my kids. :(

    (((HUGS)))

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  3. (((hugs))) I'm sorry for your loss. I've been there. My sister passed away in 2004. Don't worry about depressing anyone. If this is a good way for you to release, than by all means, do it!

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  4. I am sorry for what you've been threw. Sending a hug. It's good you are able to talk about your fears.

    I have that same fear, this wednesday I am having surgery to remove a cyst from my chest and it's being checked for cancer. My heart is hurting thinking the worst, leaving my kids.

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  5. My prayers are with you, your family, and friends. I am so sorry for everyone's loss of what sounds like a wonderful woman...

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  6. So sorry for your loss.

    Praying for you and your family.

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  7. Praying for you that is a lot to handle at one time...

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  8. I am so sorry for your losses. my dad passed away at 47 years old only 9 months after cancer diagnosis and my MIL was 52 and battled cancer for 3 years. It does consume the lives of the people who are closest to you but it also makes them stronger. you and your family will get through...just remember all the happy times

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  9. I'm so sorry. My mom died from cancer and it is hard. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
    I'm following you from Pitch It To Me Ning and would love to have you stop by my blog too.

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  10. I'm so sorry. Cancer does suck. I haven't got much nice to say about it. Lots of hugs

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  11. Thanks so much for everyone's love and support. I know all of you have had your own hard times and I want to send back some love and let you know I appreciate your care and concern.

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  12. Following you from Follow Me Back Tuesday
    Please consider following back.
    http://artjourney-gennie.blogspot.com/

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  13. I totally understand how you feel, I myself am out of town attending my husband's uncle funeral. He died of lung cancer I also visited my bestfriend who is only 52 yrs old and in hospice with cancer in her kidneys after having breast cancer. GOD PROTECT US OF THE HORRIBLE DESEASE!

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  14. i have had five family members with cancer and they all passed away. its a horrible disease and it takes good people form our lives. i hope your family can heal from the lose of your aunt.

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  15. I'm so sorry for your losses. :(

    I agree--I HATE cancer so much!

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  16. So Sorry for your loss I'm terminal so I know as to how this is to be HATED with a passion, many family I have lost. If you need anything please contact me.

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  17. I'm so sorry for your loss.
    I lost my grandmother to cancer (lungs, throat, smoking related), many years ago & my mother has cancer. After treatment & many years of being cancer free, she now has cancer in her bones & is undergoing treatment again. Cancer definitely sucks...

    On a happier note, I saw your post on BlogFrog & stopped by to say hi!

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  18. I'm so very sorry for you loss!

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  19. I just want to give you a big hug! I can't imagine how hard the past couple months have been on you! Cancer is everywhere and we have to pray that there is a cure someday!! I think once you have kids you think about death - and not being there for your kids! You grow up to marry and have a family and what if your life runs short - I have been planning on making a (secret) video for the kids and Brian just incase. I mean, really you never know, and I want my girls to always remember me. The blog is very helpful for that too.

    Anyway - please keep your spirits high - your grandpa and aunt are in a better place without pain. Keep the happy memories in your thoughts and they will always be with you! <3

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  20. Very sorry about your loss. There is a boy in our community who is very sick with cancer and it has been affecting all of us, not just the family. I also lost a sister-in-law to cancer last year and she was also only in her 50's. I know what you're going through and my heart aches.

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